Fine Distinctions – Twos – Tom Condon

Fine Distinctions – Twos – Tom Condon

Subtypes

Self Preservation Twos

• Healthy Self-preservation Twos are often more in touch with how they feel and what they want.
• Have the courage and social skills to express their preferences.
• Appropriately “self-referenced” – know what they want and yet include the wishes of others.

• Can be unusually materialistic.

• Highly effective; in touch with the forceful high side of Eight.
• Take good care of themselves but are equally concerned about friends and family.
• Can begin to feel burdened with the needs of others and want recognition and pampering in return.
• Can actively worry about the health of others while neglecting their own. • Believe: “I do so much for everyone – I deserve to be treated as someone special.” Overestimate their contribution and what they are due for it.
• Can display a striking sense of entitlement as if the shame button has been removed from their brains. Self-important, diva-like behavior possible.
• Can drop more easily to the aggressive low side of Eight and are sometimes mistaken for Eights.
• More prone to melancholy martyrdom and psychosomatic illness than the other Two subtypes.
• Illness gets them attention and gives them permission to self-care and may also be a way to indirectly express anger by making those who care about them suffer.
• Hidden agendas; may set events in motion involving other people which ultimately lead to the Two getting what he/she wants.

Intimate Twos

• Highly emotionally intelligent and capable of deep personal intimacy.
• Have superb social skills; able to make direct, empathetic contact with others on a one-to-one basis.
• Can be excellent biographers, therapists, counselors; excel in occupations that depend on effectively entering another individual’s subjective reality.
• Generous, sensitive and thoughtful towards their beloved.
• Especially good at reading and responding to nonverbal behavior.
• Can see beyond roles and contexts to identify someone’s essential humanity.
• Tend to act seductive and aggressive by turns.
• Generally confuse being sexually desirable with being loved.
• Can seem receptively interested in others, offering inviting touches while oozing a combination of charm and sexuality.

• May harbor a melancholy desire for total enmeshed connection with another person; related to the low side of Four.
• Like Fours, Intimate Twos may be attracted to distant or unavailable partners; this replicates a distant relationship with a parent.

• Offer their beloved an intensely focused interest, an interest they secretly want to have returned.
• If someone resists an Intimate Two’s drive to intimacy the Two may then push and challenge, trying to find a way around their beloved’s objection to becoming fully united. If this fails, the Two may grow angry or even physically violent.
• Intimate Twos can be “processing queens” and “processing kings,” people who are so focused on their relationships that they need to talk about, analyze and understand any barriers to intimacy.
• Sometimes proud of their seductive powers and the status of those they seduce. Some get hooked on the challenge of seduction and on winning people over.
• Once a catch is secured they may lose interest; can feel closer to people they don’t know well.
• Some Intimate Twos are highly sexual, Others are not but still role-play an image of sexuality that they are disconnected from.

Social Twos

• Have a strong sense of mission about helping others and will work assiduously to that end.
• Attempt the ambitious and the difficult and succeed at it.
• Can be exceptionally persuasive and unstoppable.

• Especially good at moving through various stratas of society; able to switch communication styles and social modes in the service of getting things done.
• Will take stands on unpopular issues even if those positions contradict their own beliefs or politics.

• Might function at the center of a group, be the lynch-pin person upon whom everyone depends, drawing around them “a we of me.”
• Other Social Twos act out their ambition through their affiliations with accomplished or powerful people.

• Might marry someone influential and concentrate their energies on fulfilling the spouse’s ambitions. Or groom their children to become achievers.

• Stage mothers and political spouses are possible roles.
• Generally confuse being recognized with being loved.
• Especially prone to conflicts between fulfilling the group’s needs versus taking care of themselves.
• Can also be martyrs, blaming others for their unhappy sacrifices or for not living up to the Two’s expectations.
• Twos with this subtype are easy to confuse with Threes especially when they have a Three wing.
• Their ambition becomes grandiose and stems from feeling unworthy and unfulfilled.
• Unlike Intimate Twos who send their needs over to live in one specific person, Social Twos send a sliver of themselves over to live in each individual member of their chosen group.

Connecting Points Two with a One Wing

• Brings Twos conscience and emotional containment.
• Their ethics come before their pride and they hold themselves to high standards.
• Have conscious, philosophical principles about the value of serving others: “We are put on this earth to help one another.” Also believe in taking care of themselves.
• Idealistic, hopeful for change; can have a strong sense of mission especially on behalf of others.
• More discreet and intuitively respectful of other people’s boundaries.
• Less likely to dramatize their feelings.
• When upset, they tend to go quiet and experience strong swirling emotions internally.
• More melancholy than Twos with a Three wing and usually more introverted.
• Can confuse their sense of mission with more self-centered needs.
• May invade and dominate others, believing their actions are justified by their ethic of helping.
• Repress their personal desires and focus on others as a way to avoid the guilty dilemma they feel between obeying rules versus satisfying their inner needs.

• Can warp their ethics to justify personal selfishness and prideful hostility.
• The anger of both One and Eight can support a nasty self-serving forcefulness.
• Prone to depression; often self-critical especially about being selfish.

Two with a Three Wing

• Brings Twos more interpersonal warmth, sociability and the capacity to initiate.
• Can be charming, good-natured and heartfelt.
• Dynamic and highly effective, especially at projects or enterprises that support the well-being of others.

• Thrive on group process and are generally good communicators.
• May enjoy multitasking, keeping several threads or projects going at once.
• Supremely adaptable, able to match the external environment and blend with new circumstances. Often driven and ambitious as well as disciplined.
• Could excel in a corporate context and then work with homeless people on weekends.
• Less acutely moral and more worldly than Twos with a One wing; identify with status and power like a Three. Can also be unapologetically materialistic.
• This wing brings a double dose of vanity as their Twoish pride combines with Threeish image-consciousness. Could act competitive or superior towards others.
• Often less auditory and more visual; have a faster tempo.
• Manipulative; can create instant intimacy with people and then drop them.
• May be hypocritical; a gap between their private behavior and their public face.
• Can be hard-hearted and emotionally controlling.
• May be deluded, preferring glamorous, self-important fantasies over reality.
• Extraverted; might dramatize their feelings through histrionic tantrums.

Two’s Connection to Four

• This connection helps Twos get in touch with their true emotions and inner life.
• Develop an independent, possibly artistic point of view.
• Search within for themselves; express themselves creatively.

• Become emotionally honest; more readily in touch with the authentic emotions in their own body, boundary of self emerges, and own personal feelings.
• Recognize their own tangled motives for giving so much to others. They admit to their personal needs and take better care of themselves.

• Melancholy is a portal feeling for Twos as well. Through the door of sadness they find their other emotions.
• Brings tendencies towards self-pity and depression.
• Can haunted by melancholy. They can have a trapped prince or princess quality.

• Fear abandonment and may disown their capacity to be alone.
• Can act out unrequited love scenarios or develop romantic obsessions; yearn for Mr. or Ms. Right but seek unlikely, unavailable choices instead. • May have a morbid streak.
• Some Fourish Twos have medical scripts or can be interested in the illnesses of others because it makes the Two feel needed.
• Can be “walking guilt trips,” acting like martyrs or looking at you with an aura of sad disappointment, sighing heavily from time to time.
• Like Fours, Twos can internalize ones and feel connected to people who are not present or, say, talk constantly about a spouse who died years ago.

Two’s Connection to Eight

• Strengthens a Two’s personal boundaries and helps them assert their own needs.
• Get in touch with an appropriate, honest selfishness. Say “no” and take care of their own needs.

• Brings self-confidence and a direct, occasionally blunt communication style.
• Drive for getting things done, especially to fulfill their inner sense of mission.

• Decisive, care less about other people’s opinions; do well in leadership positions.

• Strongly protective towards friends and family.
• Get in touch with their power to initiate as well as be forceful.
• Can forcefully cleave their way through obstacles to achieving their goals.
• If a Two’s pride is insulted or they feel under-appreciated they can act out vengefully like an unhealthy Eight.
• The pride of a Two and the narcissism of an Eight can fuse into a sense of angry entitlement. Can also be rebellious.
• Since Twos are acutely sensitive to other people’s feelings and inner workings, they know just how to hurt them, which soft spot to stab to inflict the most pain.
• Block out the evidence of their own hostility or have amnesia for what they just said while angry.
• Can be sharp-tongued, domineering and pushy.
• Go from being victim to oppressor. Could hold grudges.
• Give themselves to you and then demand themselves back.
• Can throw tantrums, be aggressive or violent when they are not given what their pride says they are due.
• Feel like they have to be strong for others but unconsciously resent the burden.

 

Excerpted from The Dynamic Enneagram by Tom Condon

Copyright 2009, 2013 by Thomas Condon

Available as an ebook serial at Tom’s website  http://www.thechangeworks.com

 

Tom Condon has worked with the Enneagram since 1980 and with Ericksonian hypnosis and NLP since 1977. These three models are combined in his trainings to offer a useful collection of tools for changing and growing, to apply the Enneagram dynamically, as a springboard to positive change. Tom has taught over 800 workshops in the US, Europe and Asia and is the author of 50 CDs, DVDs and books on the Enneagram, NLP and Ericksonian methods. He is founder and director of The Changeworks in Bend, Oregon.

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